No...not as roommates...as a dating couple. I am specifically referring to people who choose to live together while dating. They do this for a variety of reasons. You have to see if you are compatible for marriage, right? You have to be sure that your sex life is good. That he puts the lid on the toothpaste. That she can relax and let you have your beer and pizza nights with the guys. Our culture says living together before marriage is the way to go. But is it?
More than likely, people who are living together are justifying it either because they do not have any morals against living together (who cares, right?) or because they have decided that this person is "the one". They plan to marry someday. Since they will someday get married, what's the point in waiting? It is financially easier - and more fun - to just move in! What is the point in waiting til marriage? What's the point of abstinence? (I'll cover that at a later date.) Well...living together/premarital sex does not increase your odds of living happily ever after.
In 2002, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention published a study declaring that 40% of women aged 15-44 lived with a sexual partner of the opposite sex. 10% of these never married. The probability that the relationship will be "disrupted" when a couple has had premarital sex is great. During the first year, 25% of these relationships are disrupted, 3 years a total of 44%, 5 years 58%, 10 years 71%. By 15 years, 80% of these relationships have been disrupted. This means 8 out of 10 people who have had premarital sex will lose their relationship after 15 years. How sad.
I don't think the culture is right on this one. The Bible says:
1 Corinthians 7:2 Each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
To me, those verses seem pretty clear. Only sleep with your spouse! Those who did not live together before marriage had a statistically better chance of making it after marriage. Why not wait a few months? Over a life span, this is not a lot of time to wait for your future spouse. Waiting - instead of moving in - will increase your commitment to one another. It will test your loyalty. It doesn't work the other way around!
Check out the study here: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_022.pdf
(Footnote: Yes, there are other things that contribute to the "disruption" rate, but for the sake of your scrolling finger and the amount of read-time you have, I'm not going to delve into that now.)
Is abstinence tied directly to a healthy marriage? I applaud you for following your beliefs; however, I have difficulty believing in the likelihood that I would have met a partner who was 18 or older and has never had premarital sex. Considering that I lost my virginity when I was eight, I probably am not the best example to use for abstinence equating to loyalty. However, my parents told me that they waited for marriage before engaging in sexual activity and they have remained together for more than 30 years. Likewise, my step parents are rather admirable although contrary to the information you posted from the CDC they have had sex long before marriage but have remained loyal to each other for 26 years.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I am wondering how masturbating promotes greater fidelity as opposed to the integrity of a partner who has had sex prior to marriage? If a person is going to cheat would it matter if he or she has never had a sexual partner before?
I do believe that abstinence is tied directly to a healthy marriage. Like I said in the blog, I believe that waiting til marriage increases commitment to one another. It keeps things in the relationship way less complicated. You are right, it can be difficult to find people who are over 18 who have not had sex, but they are out there. Trust me. I have multiple friends (and was myself a virgin prior to marriage) who have stayed abstinent. The other thing is, a person who has lost their virginity does have the ability to say to themselves, that was not the right decision, I am going to make a commitment as of now not to have sex again until marriage. Some call this "Secondary Virginity". I don't believe your step parents are an example contrary to the CDC information. The information said 80% of couples don't make it past 15 years, not 100% of them.
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